things I’ll only say in my dreams

things I’ll only say in my dreams

I met you 432 days ago.

We are, what I’d call, an unexpected collision. There was no anticipation, no chase, no beginnings or endings. We are a sudden combustion dictated by the universe. So fast, so vibrant. Just like stars – a second so full of life and energy, and the next, an explosion, into tiny specks, far far away, scattered, thrown, flung fearlessly into the darkness of the evening skies.

Like most sad love stories, this one starts on a late night, things a blur and words a slur. We spent the night with our friends, them talking boisterously, and us, us exchanging furtive glances, here and there, like secret agents on a high-stake mission, like stoic gamblers watching the table’s next move. I grabbed your arm for support. Head thrown back in laughter, heart laughing out so loud. I smile up at you, aware of the effect of a close connection, an electrification.

The evening air blushed pink of a tangy lightness. Slow jazz in the background. A drink, a shot, a slow glass of wine. The night was young and we felt timeless.

I met you in my dream.

It was a different time, a different place. I was thirsty, it was hot. I was perusing a desert landscape, squinting into what resembled the Colosseum. My hair was tied up in an elegant bun, it reminded me of a cocoon, so intricate you’d only be able to find at some another place, in some other time.

I was not here.

The sun glared red and juxtaposed my gown, a beautiful light purple, slow-transitioned from the purest of white. The fabric, so soft, so light, it was a winning the fight against gravity, against the weight of the world.

You stood on higher ground and you, paused time.

In my dream, I loved you. You personified the ultimate escape – a hop, a jump, a run away from the heaviness of this reality. In my dream, I surrendered to you. You brought me a reality where I was free, free from the perils of mundane life. You represented every fantasy of what could have been. Without consequences, without second thoughts.

But alas! The truth is, we are both strangers and we would never meet again. We live in parallel universes, co-existing. Actions mirrored by the opportunities of our insanity. Me here, you there, restricted by a world where choice is a slave, and time is nothing but a guardian of extremes.

I close my eyes to what cannot be. And with all the sinners and all the saints, we laugh.

Like star-crossed loves, fervently lost in the romance of a dream. Forever a dream, forever Forever. In this life, and in next, always chasing, always yearning. Yearning for a connection, yearning for Love.

You’re beautiful and I’m foolish.

x

(Sent from Singapore)